Parents of Angels

RE:  A request for comments for a Wish List of what we wish people had done for us in the days, weeks, and months after our child’s funeral...


Posts I have shared...


~  I wish my friends would've come by to hang & hold me while I cried...

~  You have to be so strong during the days of the funeral - afterwards, when the days are just too awful to bear, hold your friend & let them cry!

Comments from others that rang clear to me: 

~  I wish I didn't feel like I have to keep quiet about my son. I wish I could go back to my friends, the ones that let me talk about him whenever I want and just listen. I wish people wouldn't get quiet when I talk about him.

~  Don't say "call me if you need anything"...just come over and wash the car or weed the garden, bring by a few groceries, etc. I didn't have the energy to do any of the routine day to day things.

~  we were mostly fortunate but it definitely got harder as time progressed...good friends( i thought )never came through..they could not accept the change i guess..they could not take the talking of Joshua....like i was suppose to stop having... him in my life because he died! it is ludicrous! People have a time limit in their minds. i have been accused of having a shrine, i have been told to get on with it...like hello i am here and living life actually i knew when my 11 year old son died i can easily die.. or walk dead...i chose life and i am living it....and Josh will always be a part of it he is my son!!!! That's a period!!!!


This next one hits so many places...It'll be the last I post right now on the subject.  Are you brave enough to read it's entirety?  I was & I see so much in it...


~  the list for me is: shared ongoing stories of his life more, not avoided me because they were scared, asked me what i needed not what they needed, (I was already taking care of them) share their grief more openly with me, said joshua's nam...e more frequently, send cards till the day i die, handle my tears, not judge whether i am good on not.."she's doing so well", have you asked? or because i walk out the door and go to work you decide i am ok???? OR i can't believe she is still not over joshua, educate yourself....get on this site or others, read, so you know we are not crazy or sick....be patient, give time, not a time limit, unless you want to know how i am, Don't ask How are you? matter a fact unless you really know me and take the time to know me..don't even bother with how are you, how about "there really are no words!!!!!" language is way too limited to discuss our children's death...but we try! people who are willing to ask me to come to their children's events, put in 10% of what you do to plan your events for your own children for honoring my child who died....buy a gift in his name, donate, make an art project, get creative..just think of it like this..how many times would you have bought a gift for whatever event...don't stop cuz he is dead....keep going and put that money to good use in his honor....acknowledge our other children, they lost their sibling, it is a hard loss....be active, specific and honest about helping, Don't just mouth the words! Cannot stand these people who have not lost a kid but start telling you how spirituality and energy healing etc works....honestly.. go F.....yourself....sorry i am really not so angry..but really, i am a spirtual being with strong faith and hope yet i will have this energy person tell me how Josh is fine etc etc and i just have to let go..It is my walk and i have to walk it and until you are walking in these shoes..hopefully never, listen carefully, maybe you will learn some thing really profound! Biblical character Job....the best friends were those that sat with him. no judgement , no telling him how, no abandoning him, they had amazing perseverance, if some ways more than the bereaved...it is a difficult task to be across from a bereaved parent/mother..it takes tenacity and commitment, it takes real compassionate loving friends/relatives! Finally i hated the T word(time).....i am 7 years out and yes time changes things, it is different , but by no means is it linear! More days of productivity, less crying, but some times it is horrendous. i just finished 2 months of being very bad off and i am coming out of it..i was very triggered as it would have been my son's graduation and it was extremely difficult...i have made progress but it is a journey..i call it an ocean of grief....and it changes with the tides...sometimes calm sometimes tsunamis! don't stop praying and sending the best love ever ! that's just a start!!!! God bless!