I have decided to post some thoughts/comments from others who touch me - in my state of mind/grief/life...I will keep posts anonymous, but I will distinguish my comments from others' comments. It is unimaginable to feel what Parents of Angels feel - unless you've felt it yourself. Even then, there are too many variables to circumstances...
HOWEVER - One thing remains the same: WE HAVE BURIED ONE OF OUR CHILDREN
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Parents of Angels
RE: A request for comments for a Wish List of what we wish people had done for us in the days, weeks, and months after our child’s funeral...
Posts I have shared...
~ I wish my friends would've come by to hang & hold me while I cried...
~ You have to be so strong during the days of the funeral - afterwards, when the days are just too awful to bear, hold your friend & let them cry!
Comments from others that rang clear to me:
~ I wish I didn't feel like I have to keep quiet about my son. I wish I could go back to my friends, the ones that let me talk about him whenever I want and just listen. I wish people wouldn't get quiet when I talk about him.
~ Don't say "call me if you need anything"...just come over and wash the car or weed the garden, bring by a few groceries, etc. I didn't have the energy to do any of the routine day to day things.
~ we were mostly fortunate but it definitely got harder as time progressed...good friends( i thought )never came through..they could not accept the change i guess..they could not take the talking of Joshua....like i was suppose to stop having... him in my life because he died! it is ludicrous! People have a time limit in their minds. i have been accused of having a shrine, i have been told to get on with it...like hello i am here and living life actually i knew when my 11 year old son died i can easily die.. or walk dead...i chose life and i am living it....and Josh will always be a part of it he is my son!!!! That's a period!!!!
This next one hits so many places...It'll be the last I post right now on the subject. Are you brave enough to read it's entirety? I was & I see so much in it...
~ the list for me is: shared ongoing stories of his life more, not avoided me because they were scared, asked me what i needed not what they needed, (I was already taking care of them) share their grief more openly with me, said joshua's nam...e more frequently, send cards till the day i die, handle my tears, not judge whether i am good on not.."she's doing so well", have you asked? or because i walk out the door and go to work you decide i am ok???? OR i can't believe she is still not over joshua, educate yourself....get on this site or others, read, so you know we are not crazy or sick....be patient, give time, not a time limit, unless you want to know how i am, Don't ask How are you? matter a fact unless you really know me and take the time to know me..don't even bother with how are you, how about "there really are no words!!!!!" language is way too limited to discuss our children's death...but we try! people who are willing to ask me to come to their children's events, put in 10% of what you do to plan your events for your own children for honoring my child who died....buy a gift in his name, donate, make an art project, get creative..just think of it like this..how many times would you have bought a gift for whatever event...don't stop cuz he is dead....keep going and put that money to good use in his honor....acknowledge our other children, they lost their sibling, it is a hard loss....be active, specific and honest about helping, Don't just mouth the words! Cannot stand these people who have not lost a kid but start telling you how spirituality and energy healing etc works....honestly.. go F.....yourself....sorry i am really not so angry..but really, i am a spirtual being with strong faith and hope yet i will have this energy person tell me how Josh is fine etc etc and i just have to let go..It is my walk and i have to walk it and until you are walking in these shoes..hopefully never, listen carefully, maybe you will learn some thing really profound! Biblical character Job....the best friends were those that sat with him. no judgement , no telling him how, no abandoning him, they had amazing perseverance, if some ways more than the bereaved...it is a difficult task to be across from a bereaved parent/mother..it takes tenacity and commitment, it takes real compassionate loving friends/relatives! Finally i hated the T word(time).....i am 7 years out and yes time changes things, it is different , but by no means is it linear! More days of productivity, less crying, but some times it is horrendous. i just finished 2 months of being very bad off and i am coming out of it..i was very triggered as it would have been my son's graduation and it was extremely difficult...i have made progress but it is a journey..i call it an ocean of grief....and it changes with the tides...sometimes calm sometimes tsunamis! don't stop praying and sending the best love ever ! that's just a start!!!! God bless!
Posts I have shared...
~ I wish my friends would've come by to hang & hold me while I cried...
~ You have to be so strong during the days of the funeral - afterwards, when the days are just too awful to bear, hold your friend & let them cry!
Comments from others that rang clear to me:
~ I wish I didn't feel like I have to keep quiet about my son. I wish I could go back to my friends, the ones that let me talk about him whenever I want and just listen. I wish people wouldn't get quiet when I talk about him.
~ Don't say "call me if you need anything"...just come over and wash the car or weed the garden, bring by a few groceries, etc. I didn't have the energy to do any of the routine day to day things.
~ we were mostly fortunate but it definitely got harder as time progressed...good friends( i thought )never came through..they could not accept the change i guess..they could not take the talking of Joshua....like i was suppose to stop having... him in my life because he died! it is ludicrous! People have a time limit in their minds. i have been accused of having a shrine, i have been told to get on with it...like hello i am here and living life actually i knew when my 11 year old son died i can easily die.. or walk dead...i chose life and i am living it....and Josh will always be a part of it he is my son!!!! That's a period!!!!
This next one hits so many places...It'll be the last I post right now on the subject. Are you brave enough to read it's entirety? I was & I see so much in it...
~ the list for me is: shared ongoing stories of his life more, not avoided me because they were scared, asked me what i needed not what they needed, (I was already taking care of them) share their grief more openly with me, said joshua's nam...e more frequently, send cards till the day i die, handle my tears, not judge whether i am good on not.."she's doing so well", have you asked? or because i walk out the door and go to work you decide i am ok???? OR i can't believe she is still not over joshua, educate yourself....get on this site or others, read, so you know we are not crazy or sick....be patient, give time, not a time limit, unless you want to know how i am, Don't ask How are you? matter a fact unless you really know me and take the time to know me..don't even bother with how are you, how about "there really are no words!!!!!" language is way too limited to discuss our children's death...but we try! people who are willing to ask me to come to their children's events, put in 10% of what you do to plan your events for your own children for honoring my child who died....buy a gift in his name, donate, make an art project, get creative..just think of it like this..how many times would you have bought a gift for whatever event...don't stop cuz he is dead....keep going and put that money to good use in his honor....acknowledge our other children, they lost their sibling, it is a hard loss....be active, specific and honest about helping, Don't just mouth the words! Cannot stand these people who have not lost a kid but start telling you how spirituality and energy healing etc works....honestly.. go F.....yourself....sorry i am really not so angry..but really, i am a spirtual being with strong faith and hope yet i will have this energy person tell me how Josh is fine etc etc and i just have to let go..It is my walk and i have to walk it and until you are walking in these shoes..hopefully never, listen carefully, maybe you will learn some thing really profound! Biblical character Job....the best friends were those that sat with him. no judgement , no telling him how, no abandoning him, they had amazing perseverance, if some ways more than the bereaved...it is a difficult task to be across from a bereaved parent/mother..it takes tenacity and commitment, it takes real compassionate loving friends/relatives! Finally i hated the T word(time).....i am 7 years out and yes time changes things, it is different , but by no means is it linear! More days of productivity, less crying, but some times it is horrendous. i just finished 2 months of being very bad off and i am coming out of it..i was very triggered as it would have been my son's graduation and it was extremely difficult...i have made progress but it is a journey..i call it an ocean of grief....and it changes with the tides...sometimes calm sometimes tsunamis! don't stop praying and sending the best love ever ! that's just a start!!!! God bless!
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Tanela
We are coming up on the 2nd anniversary of Tanela's death...so hard...so many memories flood my mind - good & bad - especially of the last month of her precious life.
She had lost her faith in CHP, which was ever so sad & continued to have a variety of problems...until they put her unconscious to do a few procedures & then to move to their precious new hospital. Sadly, she had already been told no kidney transplants would be done until after the move & that was in January!
The move wasn't until May 2nd. :'( She never woke up again, yet they drug out giving us any answers - unfortunately, I knew in my heart when I first saw how badly her brain had bled. Waking every day wondering if she was still with us...leaving the room & hoping she was still there when I returned.
One day, dabby helped me lay down & hold her in my arms one last time while I felt her heart & listened to her breathe with those wonderful lungs that had been donated & saved her life - over 8 1/2 yrs prior. They were still in good shape, however, the drugs had destroyed her kidneys. If only the staff (who are now in deep trouble for contaminated living TX) had given her the kidney her cousin wanted to give to her, she would most likely still be with us.
Thankfully, she waited until both mommy & dabby were in the room when she left us - hopefully painfree & without any suffering, as we tried to keep her comfortable until He came for her on June 1, 2009 @ 5:45 PM.
She had lost her faith in CHP, which was ever so sad & continued to have a variety of problems...until they put her unconscious to do a few procedures & then to move to their precious new hospital. Sadly, she had already been told no kidney transplants would be done until after the move & that was in January!
The move wasn't until May 2nd. :'( She never woke up again, yet they drug out giving us any answers - unfortunately, I knew in my heart when I first saw how badly her brain had bled. Waking every day wondering if she was still with us...leaving the room & hoping she was still there when I returned.
One day, dabby helped me lay down & hold her in my arms one last time while I felt her heart & listened to her breathe with those wonderful lungs that had been donated & saved her life - over 8 1/2 yrs prior. They were still in good shape, however, the drugs had destroyed her kidneys. If only the staff (who are now in deep trouble for contaminated living TX) had given her the kidney her cousin wanted to give to her, she would most likely still be with us.
Thankfully, she waited until both mommy & dabby were in the room when she left us - hopefully painfree & without any suffering, as we tried to keep her comfortable until He came for her on June 1, 2009 @ 5:45 PM.
New profile...
I changed my pic to our last family pic - Me, Tanela & Mark @ my Road Captain Ride for HOG '09.
I also changed some profile info...
I also changed some profile info...
A new try...
I am motivated to try to start blogging again by my wonderful friend, Robin...Love you...
As I look over the pg I started years ago, it seems I got too busy to think of it again. Wow, so much to tell of the past 3 years...I think I'll start by updating info & then turn to thoughts from time to time - if I remember, LOL.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Hello family & friends,
Tanela is in Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh www.CHP.org with a new problem.
Due to Tanela's pulmonary hypertension, heart damage, transplant drugs from having a double lung transplant on 10-12-2000 and having high blood pressure, she will now need to have a kidney transplant.
We are looking to find a living donor.
Tanela is blood type O, which means that she can only receive blood type O organs. I will be forwarding more info as I can.
Tanela will be having surgery on Wednesday, December 17 to have a peritoneal catheter placed. This will allow her to begin dialysis while she waits on a kidney transplant.
A PICC line for venous access will most likely be placed soon as well.
We appreciate all the prayers & well wishes...He will bring us through this also...
Hugs Around The World (HATW),
Karen
Tanela is in Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh www.CHP.org with a new problem.
Due to Tanela's pulmonary hypertension, heart damage, transplant drugs from having a double lung transplant on 10-12-2000 and having high blood pressure, she will now need to have a kidney transplant.
We are looking to find a living donor.
Tanela is blood type O, which means that she can only receive blood type O organs. I will be forwarding more info as I can.
Tanela will be having surgery on Wednesday, December 17 to have a peritoneal catheter placed. This will allow her to begin dialysis while she waits on a kidney transplant.
A PICC line for venous access will most likely be placed soon as well.
We appreciate all the prayers & well wishes...He will bring us through this also...
Hugs Around The World (HATW),
Karen
NEW INFO
Hello family & friends,
Tanela is in Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh www.CHP.org with a new problem.
Due to Tanela's pulmonary hypertension, heart damage, transplant drugs from having a double lung transplant on 10-12-2000 and having high blood pressure, she will now need to have a kidney transplant.
We are looking to find a living donor.
Tanela is blood type O, which means that she can only receive blood type O organs. I will be forwarding more info as I can.
Tanela will be having surgery on Wednesday, December 17 to have a peritoneal catheter placed. This will allow her to begin dialysis while she waits on a kidney transplant.
A PICC line for venous access will most likely be placed soon as well.
We appreciate all the prayers & well wishes...He will bring us through this also...
Hugs Around The World (HATW),
Karen
Tanela is in Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh www.CHP.org with a new problem.
Due to Tanela's pulmonary hypertension, heart damage, transplant drugs from having a double lung transplant on 10-12-2000 and having high blood pressure, she will now need to have a kidney transplant.
We are looking to find a living donor.
Tanela is blood type O, which means that she can only receive blood type O organs. I will be forwarding more info as I can.
Tanela will be having surgery on Wednesday, December 17 to have a peritoneal catheter placed. This will allow her to begin dialysis while she waits on a kidney transplant.
A PICC line for venous access will most likely be placed soon as well.
We appreciate all the prayers & well wishes...He will bring us through this also...
Hugs Around The World (HATW),
Karen
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