Monday, July 4, 2011
Holidays
Holidays don't have much meaning to me anymore. I find myself just longing for the memories of holidays past with Tanela. Wishing I didn't have to go through anymore w/o her. Trying to find a way to go on w/o her on holidays & everyday.
Sad...
From a mother who lost her son:
What Sad Is..
Sad is:
waiting for a child to come home who never will again.
not doing their dirty laundry just so that you can smell them.
having the junk they kept in their rooms turn into your greatest treasures.
watching other kids go on to do wonderful things knowing you child is done doing whatever he would have done.
thinking that somehow there must be a mistake, but you know there is no mistake because you kissed your child in his coffin.
never getting the chance to say goodbye.
knowing that an entire branch of your family tree is now gone, no grandchildren or great grandchildren.
seeing movies come out that your child will never see.
not being able to tell your child how much you love him.
having others wonder what you did wrong to make your child take his own life.
wondering what you did wrong to make your child take his own life.
waking up each day to the reality that your child is no more.
having an empty chair at the dinner table.
having every little thing you see or hear hurt you somehow.
waking and thinking you hear your child coming home in the middle of the night only to remember your child is never coming home.
living for your own death and welcoming it.
crying in supermarkets because you see apples or whatever else your child loved to eat.
feeling a sense of disaster non-stop every second of the day.
being helpless to do anything to help your child.
not knowing where your child is.
sobbing when people ask you how many children you have.
fearing people will forget your child.
living without your child.
Sad is only being able to visit your precious child at a grave site.... that is what sad is...
So true...
What Sad Is..
Sad is:
waiting for a child to come home who never will again.
not doing their dirty laundry just so that you can smell them.
having the junk they kept in their rooms turn into your greatest treasures.
watching other kids go on to do wonderful things knowing you child is done doing whatever he would have done.
thinking that somehow there must be a mistake, but you know there is no mistake because you kissed your child in his coffin.
never getting the chance to say goodbye.
knowing that an entire branch of your family tree is now gone, no grandchildren or great grandchildren.
seeing movies come out that your child will never see.
not being able to tell your child how much you love him.
having others wonder what you did wrong to make your child take his own life.
wondering what you did wrong to make your child take his own life.
waking up each day to the reality that your child is no more.
having an empty chair at the dinner table.
having every little thing you see or hear hurt you somehow.
waking and thinking you hear your child coming home in the middle of the night only to remember your child is never coming home.
living for your own death and welcoming it.
crying in supermarkets because you see apples or whatever else your child loved to eat.
feeling a sense of disaster non-stop every second of the day.
being helpless to do anything to help your child.
not knowing where your child is.
sobbing when people ask you how many children you have.
fearing people will forget your child.
living without your child.
Sad is only being able to visit your precious child at a grave site.... that is what sad is...
So true...
Saturday, July 2, 2011
A happiness...
A very young man who was an infant - yet comfort - when Tanela was in the hospital & after her death, just sang ABC song to me over the phone - TWICE! I was so happy, I cried & my cheeks hurt from smiling so hugely. :-) The love, the hope, the future - Awesome! TY
A mother whom I have connected with via support groups who lost her 12 yo son almost one year ago is struggling w/this new anniversary in her life. This morning I shared this with her: On our daughter's 19th birthday - 57 days after she passed, we went to the theater & saw Harry Potter, went to Steak N Shake then stopped by her grave on the way home. We did this on our motorcycles - figuring that woulda been the way she wanted to spend her day - except for the cemetery, of course. On the 1st anniversary of her death, I cried - A LOT! I still cry @ the littlest things.
One of those littlest things came to me last night while @ dinner. Thankfully I didn't cry but teared up. A woman @ our dinner table was wearing a magnetic necklace/bracelet. It was a different color, although the same style. I held back the tears, but kept finding my eyes fixated on her bracelet. These things just happen...
One of those littlest things came to me last night while @ dinner. Thankfully I didn't cry but teared up. A woman @ our dinner table was wearing a magnetic necklace/bracelet. It was a different color, although the same style. I held back the tears, but kept finding my eyes fixated on her bracelet. These things just happen...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
